Day 1 & 2
So it’s Day 2 and to be honest, I was just too traumatised to start my blog yesterday. Why? Well where the fuck do I begin! Ok…
So I rushed home from work to kit myself out in lovely unflattering shiny lycra stuff and the first moments of shame came when i could not close my sports bra, 2 pulled muscles and a string of profanities later, and it’s time to hit the gym for day 1 of my 70 day Educogym Journey….The Measurements & Dreaded Before Photos…I swear I had more self-dignity in the maternity ward!! Conversation while being measured for body fat went something like this:
Mary (trainer): “Lovely Dawn, now, just roll down the…”
Me: “the fucking lycra stays up Mary!!!”
Mary (laughing): I have to measure you and I can’t do it through the lycra”
Me (clutching the lycra waistband as if my life depended on it): “Just take the photo quick Mary”
Mary (camera poised in hand): “Breathe out Dawn!!”
Me (laughing and letting it all hang out): “Ok go haha..this is ok, it’s fun haha, I can do this”
Well it safe to say i wasn’t laughing anymore when I saw the photos. I think I have body dysmorphia, but opposing the usual form, I thought I looked ok-ish, clearly I’m dillusional. I have over 3 stone to lose and I guess this is how it looks…
Anyway, onwards and upwards and this kicked me into action for the gym session that followed. Mary is a saint, I swear to god she treated me like I was the hardest working, most super client she’s ever worked with, when in truth, I struggled not to cry or puke or anything else unattractive for the next half hour! We got through it (I say we because I have no doubt it was just as hard for St. Mary as it was for me!) and off I went, still mortified but strangely happy out because I get to go home and eat steak and mushrooms and cheesy sauce and all is well in the world again!
Until I woke up this morning…sore…
Well not crippling sore but that was to come later on today…
No carbs & no sugar….Ok I can do this. Sat down for a late breakfast (2 poached eggs and 3 ounces of nuts) with the girls and without thinking, dug my spoon into the sugar bowl…aaggghh ..old habits die hard!! Laughing is starting to hurt at this stage so throwing myself into some paperwork will take the smile off my face. Before I know it, it time to hit the gym for “Leg-Day”, yes, it’s as horrendous as it sounds but St. Evan (today’s trainer) was on hand to make it all a little less torturous by means of good music and a few “youre-doing-greats” & “youve-definately-trained-befores”, believe me these little words of encouragement got my sore lycra-clad body through training today, oh and the final big roar to “hold the stair-rail on your way down after leg-day” as I left the gym quite possibly saved my life!!
Anyway, a quick stop on way home to purchase an industrial sized bucket of empson salts for my bath later and day 2 is complete.
Join me for more tomorrow!!
Days 3, 4 & 5
Ok so, Day 3 went something like this…..My alarm goes off, I open my eyes, instinctively do a big stretch and consequently manage to wake two comatose teenagers, a tired man, a sleepy princess, a lazy dog and probably half the poor neighbourhood with an animalistic noise that you wouldn’t hear in Dublin Zoo, followed by a roar of “OHMYGODMYFUCKINGLEGS”. I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. Not just any old bus, but a big Double-Decker-Zumo-Wrestling-Team-Carrying bus! Ok, maybe I’m being a little dramatic but I am bloody sore, and to top it off, I am feeling a bit nervous & anxious about my decision to put myself out there with a No-Holds-Barred blog. Anyway, I (painfully) reach over for my phone & click onto the blog, and OH LORD JESUS there are already over 1,000 hits on my very first post!! Ok, I guess there’s no going back now, so I crawl (literally) out of bed and walk like John Wayne to the shower, where I wash the last of those nervous feelings away and focus on all the amazing words of encouragement I have just read from friends, family and complete strangers on Facebook.
By now, the girls at the Cafe downstairs know about the “black coffee thing” and have stopped putting on big frothy cappuccinos when I walk in the door. To be honest they look as disappointed about this as I feel!! But I cheer myself up (and them) by asking for streaky bacon & eggs (yes this is allowed!) and as always with me & food, all is well in the world again. After my “climbing of the stairs to work noises” draw roars of laughter from the girls, I sit at my desk and am never so happy to have an office-day!
Quick stop at the supermarket on the way home and I fill my basket with all the saintly foods on my “allowed list”. I desperately want to bump into every single person I know right now as I glide through the good aisles and don’t even drool at the bad ones, LOOK AT ME, I am a super-healthy-got-my-shit-together Goddess right now, just look in my colourful healthy basket everybody, I got this!!
OK, so it’s Day 4, the one they warned me about, and I am convinced I sleepwalked to the pub last night and drank a bottle of vodka, 3 cocktails and 2 shots. My head is pounding, my mouth is as dry as Gandhi’s flip-flops and I feel like shite… Last night, while still in Goddess-Mode, I measured out and bagged little portions of mixed nuts and wedges of cheese in anticipation of a Day-4-Emergency situation. This was much to Ronnie’s amusement, who declared I was stashing emergency nuts around the house like a manic squirrel pre-hibernation…funny guy… I’m glad I did that now because I literally haven’t the energy to cook anything else today, and I take off to work. I do this journey 5 times a week but today I take two wrong turns, it’s going to be a long one….
I think poor Mary is going to block me on whatsapp! I’m so determined not to fuck this up, I send her pictures of every single thing I eat before I eat it to check that it’s all ok! Ever patient and supportive, she always messages me back straightaway BUT when I send her a photo of my evening primrose oil capsule, I really think I’ve crossed the line. But no, back she comes with “that should be fine Dawn”, I can almost hear the skitting from her, again, the patience of a saint.
I’m still feeling sore so up the stairs I crawl for a bath of Empson salts only to find the dog sprawled out in the bath, the kids frantically trying to wash him, and smelly dog-suds on every surface of the bathroom, so I scrap that plan and collapse on the bed. Day 4 can kiss my flabby-cheeked ass.
It’s Day 5 and Praise the Lord I’m actually feeling GOOD! But, the impending session at the gym today is “Arm’s Day”. Now this may not seem as bad to most people as other sessions but for me it carries the utter fear of not being physically able to do my hair properly for 2 days afterwards, and anyone who knows me, knows about my perfect-hair obsession!! Actually, I think this obsession may have evolved because I’ve always felt that my hair is the only part of my body I really have full control over, I can change it drastically and instantly whenever I want, and I do this regularly. Christ, I think I just self-counselled a bit! It’s also my day 5 weigh-in so I’m a little nervous because of the whole (*whispers) men-o-pause thing, but on the plus side, I have a new sports bra which I can now close without pulling muscles or sweating profusely so boobs secure and off I go.
Today’s trainer is Cillian, he looks like I could have birthed him but straight away he is welcoming, enthusiastic and excited to work with me, and its all I need to be charmed into working seriously hard today. Every part of my arms and shoulders are burning but he keeps me going while chatting away about my tattoos and music….It’s kind of a bizarre situation “Yes, I love mus…aarrghh…well i got this one in,….uuuphh” ….But it worked for me & Cillian and we (again I say “we” because training me can’t be an easy task) got through it and before I knew it I was standing on the scales sucking my belly in (don’t ask me why but I always do this when i weigh myself) and FECK ME but I have lost 4lbs of fat in just 5 days!!! Happy days!! One last high five from Cillian going out the door and I swear to god it finished off my right arm…
I guess the real test with the seriously strict 12 day diet comes now. It’s Friday evening, I should be in the local with a big delicious sizzler of food and a fishbowl of wine, but I’m not, I’m keeping myself as busy as possible all weekend (easy with three sports mad kids) so that I’ll be asleep early every night and before I can say “large curry chips and a cheese burger please” it will be Monday again and food & alcohol will no longer be such a big deal….well here’s hoping!
If youre enjoying my journey so far, feel free to share! Join me on Monday to hear how I get on…
Day 6, 7 & 8
It’s Saturday morning, it’s Day 6, I open my eyes and anticipate the old post Friday night wine feeling but JOY OHFECKING JOY it doesn’t arrive and why? Well obviously because I am a Super-Healthy-No-Wine-Drinking-Soon-To-Be-UNflabby-Cheeked- Goddess , that’s why!!! Delighted with myself, I bounce out of bed and that’s where I make my first mistake of the day…I’d forgotten that last night I did my homework of various lethal floor exercises…twice! What can I say, I was showing off to my 10 year old double-jointed gymnast daughter and getting a bit carried away with her claps and cheers…but now it bloody hurts!
So, apart from feeling like my stomach’s been attacked by a gang of five year old ninjas, I’m actually feeling really good! I’m now halfway through the initial part of the 70 day programme, which is a 12 day university validated study, and I am on track to reach the average result of 7.5lbs weight loss for the 12 days. I suspect I am in full ketosis now also, as I would no longer sell one of my kids for a bit of sugar or a few carbs and actually, I’m never really hungry anymore! I’m full of energy as I head into town at 9am to cheer on a group of legends who are about to take on the Galway Bay 10k Run for ACT, actually I might just join them…next year (let’s not get carried away here guys!!)
Well the race has started and 4,000 super fit, lycra clad, marathon, half-marathon and 10k participants have just sailed past me as I wave my flags and cheer like a mad yoke and I start to feel less goddess-like with each passing one! I realise I have a long journey ahead and suddenly it feels overwhelming, but when one of them shouts out “Jaysus you’re looking better already girl” as she whizzes by, I am immediately lifted and enthusiastic again, isn’t it amazing how we never realise the power of our kind words can have on a person until we’re on the receiving end of them!
Anyway, we decide to hop in the car to find somewhere along the route to continue our flag-waving-cheer-leading duties, but OH HOLY HELL, the dreaded Keto-brain has decided to kick in, and for the life of me I cannot remember where the fuck I parked my car…Picture the scene now, myself, 3 running coaches, 2 kids and a mountain of bags & jackets we’re minding, all heading off down the Claddagh to my car, in the wrong direction! After my car doesn’t appear in the first street I am a bit worried, by the second I’m flipping mortified and by the third street I plucked up the courage to say “Umm, hahaha, aaah….i’m sorry about this lads, I have keto-brain, I can’t actually remember where I parked, ummm and I think we’re walking in the wrong direction”, in fairness they could’ve been well pissed off as they were carrying a recycling bin’s worth of stuff, but they just burst out laughing at me and as we tracked off back up the Claddagh past the start line again and in the right direction, where they laughingly told the confused spectators along the way that I managed to lose my car, cue more laughing!
The race is over and I have to leg it to Mervue for an u17’s soccer match. There’s a lot of talk about my blog down here but when one of the dad’s tells me that I’m actually inspiring him to give it a go, I could burst with pride! Quick stop at Apache Pizza for Saturday night takeaway for the lads and when Conor carries a stack of pizza boxes into the car, I quickly take a photo, send it to Mary on Whatsapp with the caption “This all ok for dinner today Mary?” and immediately regret it, surely she will block me now!! I know she’s at a wedding but still I get a prompt message back: “Good God Almighty”! I think poor Mary will need a holiday after she’s finished with me! She’ll certainly have earned it..
Here’s the hard part, the 10k legends & trainers are all out partying and I’m getting photos and messages but no no no, enjoy guys I’m gonna Netflix & Chill (in the original way haha!) its bed by 10pm for me, I think my brain is in shock because it shuts down quickly and I’m asleep in minutes.
Day 7, it’s Sunday and finally I get to lie in…So why the HELL am I wide awake and rearing to go at 7am?? I mean where does one even go at 7am on a Sunday?? I will myself back to sleep but it’s not happening so I pick up my phone and check on my blog, ah stop, almost 2,000 hits since my last post that’s mental! It also reminds me that failing is not an option now, so I roll onto the floor and do a bit of homework, involving various forms of torturous exercises, until a sleepy 10 year old stops by enroute to the loo, takes one look at me scratches her bed-head and asks me if I’m sleep-walking (she genuinely thinks I am!!)
I’ve never been so happy to have a crazy busy job and a crazy busy family life because the rest of the weekend goes by in a whirl of taxi-servicing, match-spectating, uniform-ironing, and people-feeding and before I can even reminisce about Sunday-Hangover-Chinese’s its nearly over! I bake Salmon with philly cheese & crushed nuts for dinner and it’s divine (that rhymes with wine and now I really want wine). I am back in Goddess-mode as I food prep (I don’t really, I just make up my little bags of nuts again and make a shopping list for tomorrow but it sounds good doesn’t it!)
Day 8. I am ONE WEEK into my 10 week transformation and what a week it has been! It’s Monday morning and after I drag the kids to school I am back in the gym for Chest & Back Day with the lovely but bloody tough trainer Brian. There’s something about the trainers at Educogym, they all seem genuinely delighted to be training me, when in reality they have their work cut out for them with me and Brian is no exception. I have brand new lycra stuff today and I’m thinking its sucking me in and I look a bit like one of those one’s in the race on Saturday, but when Brian tells me to jump onto “The Chair” (you sit on it and pull yourself PLUS extra weights up to around 5ft, its torture) anyway it faces a mirrored wall and it is immediately obvious to me that my brand new lycra stuff is certainly not sucking anything in! Well I guess that’s why I’m here and it makes me work even harder…. So, session done and it’s up on the scales, sucking the belly in (I can’t help it) and HOLYSHIT I’m down another 3lbs over the weekend. Ah lads, that’s 7lbs in 7 days and I’m over the flipping moon. So is Brian, he’s amazed! I think I might just smash that 7.5lbs in 12 days target!
I really think I can do this now, I’m starting to believe in myself! Thank you so much for joining me on this rollercoaster of a journey…I really couldn’t do it with your amazing support!
Talk to you in a few days x
Days 9-12
Days 9-12 It’s Tuesday morning, Day 9, and I’ve just offloaded a bundle of grumpy teenage hormones with arms and legs, at the school gates. Brian’s session yesterday has left me in a bit of a heap this morning, so I’m sitting in the car outside the gym feeling completely sorry for myself and contemplating a Whatsapp message to Mary to say I’ve been knocked down or something. But I know I’m not gonna get the ass I want by sitting on it, so out I get and drag my still-flabby-cheeked ass up the stairs to greet today’s trainer Wayne (rhymes with pain!!) with a big enthusiastic smile! Actually I have to ask, where do they find these lads? They’re all so easy on the eye, extremely friendly and so encouraging! BUT they’re tough trainers and they demand you push yourself to your greatest ability…
Wayne: “So how are you feeling today Dawn?”
Me: “Um, well the only part of me that isn’t sore right now is my legs”
Wayne: “Great, well that’s what I’m here to fix today, legs day!! Lets go girl, hit the mats”
See why I didn’t rhyme him with Spain or Vein!! 20 minutes later, legs burning and a string of profanities escaping my mouth and suddenly I get “The Spinnies”. My head is stuck in the shoulder press, I’m mid squat, looking super attractive I’m sure, and I’m convinced I’m going to buckle, but then I remember Mary telling me about this and how it means my body is working hard at burning fat and up I get with a fairly big roar and the song “Burn Baby Burn” blasting in my head!! I am Super-Workout-Goddess now and I can get through this!! Holding the handrail as you leave the gym on leg-day is probably the most life-saving advice I’ve ever been given. I try and walk to my car with as much dignity as I can muster but I’m sure I look like I’ve just left the pub downstairs and I’m now doing the walk of shame home at 9.30am…..
After work I stop at the supermarket to stock up on all things saintly, I’m starting to find the food a bit tedious but I’m still in Goddess-mode so I’m not letting any negative thoughts in. I meet two people I know and both of them want to talk about my blog and my journey and I know they’re taking little peeps into my basket to make sure I’m still on track, and I feel like a bit of a celeb to be honest, but nothing would prepare me for what is about to happen next. I’m packing the saintly stuff into my bag when this happens
Checkout Girl: Do you have a Dunnes Ca….OH! Are you the girl from the blog??”
Me (stunned): Um, ah yes that’s me….
Checkout Girl: Oh My God, you’re hilarious!! Me and my mam LOVE your blog, when’s the next chapter?
Me(stunned): Oh ah, thanks haha, well I’m glad you like it, oh I’ll update you at the weekend..
Checkout Girl (Laughing loudly): There’s class new shiny lycra stuff just in upstairs you should go have a look!
Me: Oh Ok, thanks! (Exits store with sunglasses on in case of paparazzi)
Day 10, I’m standing at the bottom of the stairs at work and wondering how the fuck I’m going to get to the top (Damn you Wayne!!). I begin the climb and I really am trying so hard not to groan, I’m getting to the point where even I feel the urge to throw myself back down the stairs for making such a big deal of it! Losing weight is hard lads, but being overweight is hard too…I guess I have to pick my hard! I don’t even want to eat today, I’m feeling a bit fed up of the 12-day food choices when suddenly I remember…a grapefruit!! She said I could have a grapefruit on a bad day!! And just now I feel like Julie Andrews in The Sound Of Music, spinning around the swiss mountains and singing about something or other, well that’s me, singing about a grapefruit…who the hell is this bat-shit crazy person!!
I’m desperately trying to shake things up in the kitchen so I decide to try and make the homemade burgers with streaky bacon, emmental cheese & salad. This requires 10 whatsapp messages to Mary until she convinced me I was doing it correctly! Fionnán took one look at my plate and said “You can eat all that fatty food but you can’t have a banana?” Shut it hormone-head… Bath of epsom salts again, the poor smelly dog is barred from the bath until this is over, and an early night…
Day 11, It’s Thurday morning and my last gym session of the week (thank fuck because I’ve run out of clean lycra by now!) and Brian greets me with a big smile and a determined look that makes me shiver.. It’s arms & shoulders today and after my core work is complete he puts me under the shoulder press and begins his reign of terror! I lift and I push and I pull and I cry a little and he proudly tells me that I have doubled my weights since last week, and I weakly high-five him.. onto triceps now and I swear to baby Jesus, if he says “Come on Dawn, one more” once more I will ground him (he’s young enough to be afraid of this threat)! But doing one more after one more is easier than shouting at him, so I keep going and before I know it I’ve doubled my reps since last week!! (My god, I even sound like a weight lifter now!) It’s a proud moment and as he hi-fives me again I whimper in pain.
I am so mangled after that workout, I think I’ve lost my speech (anyone who knows me knows this is not a regular occurrence), and I’m a bit stupefied, so I’m standing at the desk with Brian when in walks this gentleman with a briefcase, he walks right up to me and shakes my weak sweaty hand and this conversation happens:
Gentleman: “Daniel, Hello”
Me (assuming he’s a sales rep): “Oh um, I think it’s Brian you’re looking for, I don’t work here (talking too fast now) I can understand why you would think I do after that work out hahaha but I dont”
Brian: “No Dawn, this is Daniel our MD”
Daniel (looking at me like I have a mental issue): “You could work here Dawn, you’ve been working really hard!”
Me (fucking mortified): “Ooooh, ummm (omg has he read my blog, does he think I’m actually crazy) Hi Daniel, sorry about that, its Brians fault, he worked me too hard hahahahabye..
Keto-brain, you and me are going to fall out…
Day 12, it’s Friday and it’s a big day for me! Today is the final day of the initial 12-day programme. Later Mary will measure my inch loss, my body fat and my weight loss. The average weight loss from this programme is 7.5lbs but as always the *whispers Men-o-pause has me a little worried about results on the scales. Inch loss is what’s most important to me now.
But first of all I have to do some baking with the princess and her equally princessy friend as promised, so off we go to the supermarket again, and pile up a basket with all things sweet and sugary (please don’t let me meet Mary right now she’d faint!) and the Great Oranmore Bake-Off begins. Cookies in the oven and I swear to god the smell isn’t even getting to me! Cupcakes next, right I can do this, no little fairycake is gonna beat me!!
Buns in the oven, and we are getting the frosting and toppings all prepared, we’re all delighted with ourselves that we haven’t burned anything and we haven’t fallen out yet, so we get carried away with the happiness and dig our fingers into the frosting and put a big lump of it into our gobs. Yes I just fucking did. Still oblivious to the giant-sized-fuck-up I just made I say “gosh girls, this is really really sweet, like sickeningly swe….ET MOTHER OF GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!”, Now of course the girls have no idea that I’ve just thrown myself out of ketosis and set myself back a couple of days for FUCKING FROSTING!! Not even wine!!! Oh My God!! I have to leave the room, and the house, and let a big roar out the back….now the dog is barking, I forgot to take the buns out so I run, grab and burn my finger, the girls are pissing themselves laughing at me…where the hell is Julie Andrews now!!
Ok, so I’telling Mary now and she’s trying so hard not to laugh at me, she tells me to forget about it and reassures me that I’ll be ok in a day or two! Then we discuss my diet for the next week (we take it week by week from here) Now all I really want to know is can I have vodka yet, and as she begins talking about breakfast I’m wondering when it might be appropriate to slip in this burning question! So mid lunch-plan and out it slips, “What about vodka Mary”, “No Dawn”, “Even with water and no lime?” “Only if you absolutely have to for now Dawn”, feeling slightly piss-heady I leave it at that.
Then she tells me to hop on the scales. Eyes closed and belly sucked in (I’ll never change) and next thing I hear her gasp and I open my eyes and Sweet Baby Jesus she is telling me that I’ve lost another 4.5 lbs, bringing my total 12-day loss to 11.5lbs!! Were jumping around the place with joy, I think Mary is going to burst with happiness for me, she truly is so amazing at what she does! So begins the measuring and pinching and with every measurement, I swear she is getting more and more ecstatic! 2 inches off my belly, 2 off my waist, one off each arm, one of each leg, 2 off my boobs…lads, 14inches lost in 12 days!! Mary reckons this is a record, and I am so proud, a little overwhelmed and to be honest kind of emotional!
It’s been an unreal journey so far, I have never felt so minded and looked after as I do by the team at Educo, they celebrate the highs and pick me up from the lows. Well, them and all of you. Whenever I struggle, I actually go to facebook to read your comments and I feel that I can do this, I have to do this, for me..
I feel healthier and happier and soon, I know I will begin to feel the difference in my clothes, and then people will begin to notice the difference. In fact I think the dog already has, he doesn’t look half as comfy sprawled across my belly tonight!
Thank you all for joining me on the rollercoaster of a journey, I do hope you’re enjoying the blog! Xxm
Day 13-17
So it’s Saturday morning, Day 13, the day after the giant-sized-fuck-up that was “Frosting-gate” and to be totally honest lads, I don’t feel great. I’ve just woken up hungry, this hasn’t happened since day 3 and it’s not a good sign. It means I am out of ketosis, my poor sugar starved body had a taste of the good stuff yesterday and is clearly demanding more. A bit like that giant plant in Little Shop of Horrors: “FEED ME SEYMORE” and now I’m singing, it’s 8am on a Saturday morning and I’m singing FEED ME NOW BUOY!, when in walks the sleepy princess with one eyebrow cocked up, one hand on her hip and says “Hungry there mom?”…Clearly my darling….
I roll onto the floor (literally I roll, I’m being very dramatic now about my lack of energy) and moan my way through my morning floor exercises before taking my tired & still flabby-cheeked ass down to the kitchen to feed the giant plant that has now taken over my body. I have to say, the smell of streaky bacon is cheering me up a bit and I feel a million times better after coffee (albeit black) and a good breakfast. I make a mountain of buttery bacon sandwiches, and take my life into my hands by delivering them to the teenager’s bedrooms at this hour of the morning, then I crawl back into my bed with a good book, where I remain until midday!
The rest of the day is spent distributing children to various locations, they all seem a bit quiet so I’m guessing they’re picking up on my cranky mood, maybe the fact that the internet is down today and when they complained about it I told them to take out the scrabble or maybe move the hell out, whichever suited them best….
Day 14, Sunday, and in complete contrast to yesterday, I really don’t feel like eating anything at all! I still feel a bit shit and to top it off, I am working in Dublin for the next 3 days which has me a bit worried about how I am going to manage the plan this week! I’ve had a chat with Mary about it and she’s booked my gym sessions to suit and given me advice on food choices, but still, the thought of being out of my normal routine during this challenge freaks me out and suddenly I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. I start thinking that I’ve set my target too high this time, I’m asking myself why the fuck I’ve put myself out there in the public eye with this, and where I am going to find the willpower to keep going. So I do what I’ve been doing every time I feel like this, I go and read all the encouraging and positive messages and comments from you guys on facebook and I really do feel so much better, you’re all a pack of legends and I realise that I actually could not do this without you!
Monday morning, Day 15, and after delivering a carload of half-asleep kids, schoolbags and kitbags to the school, I pull off to the sound of “Don’t forget to bring us back Krispy Creme Doughnuts” ( I’ll cross that particular bridge when I come to it) and I hit the gym. Brian has obviously not been in the slightest fazed by my threats of grounding him and with a big pearly smile he whacks me a big high-five (I’ll never be cool enough to take high-fives in my stride but I go with it anyway) and wakes me up lively. It’s legs day today and for the next half hour I do what I’m told, as many times as I’m told, and I just concentrate on not fainting or puking in the process. The other members in the gym are just brilliant; they make me laugh when I really feel like crying, on greeting one lady this morning Brian tells her, its good to see her back and asks how often she’ll be coming, to which she retorts “As fecking little as I can get away with”. I’m mid bicycle-crunch on the floor and can’t help roaring laughing at her blunt honesty, but after birthing three kids, this could be a bit compromising so I pull myself together!! Ok, so after a weekend of struggling with it all, up onto the scales I go, and YEEEFECKINGHAWW I’m down another 2 lbs, that’s 13.5lbs in 14 days and I hit the road to Dublin happy, and more than determined than ever not to fuck this up! I am now very-important-career-type-goddess, who has already worked out & food-prepped (yip, I bagged a few nuts again) before carrying out a day’s work, I’ve got this, I’m back in the game!
Day 16, Tuesday morning, I wake up and as I get ready for the day ahead, I think about the food situation today. Since I began this program, I train at 9am midweek and therefore it’s not recommended that I eat until 11/11.30. As a result I am not in the slightest bit hungry for breakfast at 7am so I make a coffee and horse into a can of grapefruit (told you I food prepped!) and head off to work.
By lunchtime I’m feeling the need for food, and as I walk out the door to go and munch on some cheese and nuts in a corner somewhere I am met with what I can only describe as a carb lovers version of Willy Wonkas Chocolate Factory and I feel like Agustas Gloop eyeballing the amazing buffet display of sandwiches, wraps, baps and desserts….the smell, oh sweet jesus the smell..I need to get out of here. I grab a coffee and exit the room quicker than I can say “2 of each please”…now THAT was bloody hard…
It’s 5pm and I kid you not, I am actually sitting here googling the menu for Captain Americas to see what I can eat there! I’m starving now and I need big food! I’m beyond excited to see they serve steak with mushrooms and garlic butter, there IS a god!! So, food-thing done for the day and the shopping centre is still open so i pop in for “A quick look in Pennys”! Half an hour later and I’m standing in a shop dressing room, struggling into a ball gown I’ve been convinced to try on. I’m reluctant to look in the mirror but when I do, I have to say, I’m feeling very proud. The dress is stunning and my shape is definitely starting to change, I buy it a size down and dare to hope that in 5 weeks time it will even need to be taken in!
So, Krispy Creme Doughnuts….I must really love my kids…. Off i go and sit in the queue for a while where Im met by the smiliest doughnut guy I’ve ever met (well the only doughnut guy I’ve ever met but he was fabulous). I named him Bob-who-loves-his-job, and he joyfully handed us over 3 boxes of mixed doughnuts. Just looking at them made my inner giant plant twitch, and I swear I could hear “Feed Me Seymore” coming from somewhere deep inside me…
Later that evening, when someone orders loaded Nachos to pick at, I take a photo and whatsapp it to Mary with the caption “This all ok Mary?” My phone immediately rings, and as I answer it I hear poor Mary…JESUS CHRIST DAWN DID YOU EAT IT?? I’m weak laughing, “Dawn, I opened the picture and let out a roar, Evan was standing behind me and asked what the hell plan is that one on! Dawn!! Tell me you didn’t eat that, I ran out hopped in the car to call you and nearly crashed the fecking thing “. Poor Mary, what an amazing person, she’s so passionate about what she does, I just hope I don’t end up breaking her!!
Day 17, Its Wednesday and after a eating an early breakfast (not taking any chances today!) of bacon & eggs we head off for a full day of meetings. It’s a busy day but the energy is good, and I’m feeling good. There’s no time to even think about food today and before I know it, i’m driving back down to Galway and although I can smell the doughnuts in the back of the car, NOTHING will tempt me back out of ketosis again….I have survived the first trip away of this 70 day programme, I have had quite a few lows this week but I’ve got past them….after a good whinge! Thanks as always for joining me xx
18-22
So its Thursday morning, its Day 18 and I wake up with a weird sense of relief to find myself back home where I have access to frying pans and everything else that’s needed to survive a keto diet! I think my kids are in some sort of a sugar-induced coma having attacked a huge box of Krispy Kreme’s last night and I’m absolutely sure I can be heard in the Claddagh roaring at them to get out of bed! But it makes me think about this: less than three weeks ago I was waking up and feeling just like that every day! I was feeling tired and lethargic and struggled to get out of bed, I questioned whether my kids REALLY needed to go to school and whether I REALLY needed to work and sure we could live frugally and I’d home-school a bit and I could just stay in bed and everything would be grand…. Without even realising it until now, I jump (roll after leg day) out of bed these days with so much more energy and that carries on throughout the day too!
So after physically removing the doughnut filled bodies from my car at the school, I bounce (I’m on a roll now) up the stairs of the gym to meet Gail, my trainer for today and its back & chest for the next 30 minutes. Gail, I can only describe as a wolf in sheep’s clothing! She looks like your best girl-friend, but holy fuck is she a ferocious trainer who encourages but also demands you push your body right to the edge of its ability, and just when you think you can’t lift anymore, you lift a bit more, for Gail! And then it’s off to work…
I breeze in the door (as you can tell by now, I am in total goddess-mode today) to be met by the fabulous Sarah who I haven’t seen for a week and who becomes even more fabulous when she looks up and declares “Jesus Christ Dawnie you LOOK skinnier”, and I swear I fall head-over-heels in love with her when she adds; “and blonder…and tanner”! Sarah, you have made my week girl!
I feel like I have a good handle on the diet now, the giant-sugar-starved-plant seems to have left my body again, and I’m happy enough with having a nice juicy grapefruit (Christ, did I really just say that?!) But as always, the weekend is looming and it’s always much harder to be good at the weekend..
Day 19, it’s Friday morning and I’m back in the Gym. I’m a little scared to see Evan at the top of the stairs waiting to greet me, he’s like a big Irish mythical legend, all red man-bun & beard and full of energy and enthusiasm, and by god does he demand the same from whatever poor crayture happens to walk in the door at 8.30am. Its legs day and they’re already trembling…Everything feels heavier today and that’s because it is. At Educogym, you never get to stay in your comfortzone, your weights and your reps are constantly increased as you get stronger, my legs are now screaming at Mythical Man so when he finally high-fives me to signal the end, I slink to the floor and slither over to my mat to do my core-work….I am actually in a heap….
So here’s my predicament, there’s a movie on at the cinema that I really REALLY want to see this weekend but I just don’t think I am able to cope with the smell of popcorn when I can’t have any! I LOVE popcorn, mixed with malteasers and washed down with an industrial sized diet coke. Sometimes I don’t even care what movie I’m going to see, all I want is a large combo all for myself. I’m aware that this is not normal but hey, I didn’t get 3 stone overweight by sharing my food!! So anyway, back to the predicament and it’s not like I can bring an alternative with me, I cant snack…ON ANYTHING…and for some reason this really pisses me off tonight. So, I don’t go to the cinema, I stay in, and watch the feckin late-late show and to top it all off, I DON’T EVEN WIN THE BLOODY COMPETITION!!
Saturday morning, Day 20 and Ronnie’s home Yaay! I wake to the smell of bacon in bed and all is well in the world again…until I try and get out of bed, DAMN YOU MYTHICAL MAN EVAN I’m crippled!! I shuffle to the shower, Jesus even my eyeballs are sore….
Ok so we’re out and about catching up with family and it’s rare the whole family is together so we decide to go out for dinner. I’m usually a spontaneous person and we eat out a lot at weekends, but this last-minute plan throws me into a bit of a panic! I’m ok with steak & mushrooms & garlic butter but I reeeeally want a vodka now…i’ve been on the dry for 20 days and I’m not even pregnant!! So I whatsapp Mary-my-lifeline and explain my need for alcohol and I feel total piss-heady, she replies straight away to tell me that it may slow my weightloss for a day or two but it’s ok to have one or two, I promise her three at the most and do a little dance with excitement!
I’m in the pub!! I have 3 vodka’s with soda water and fresh lime and I skip home in the rain, feeling no leg-day-pain and happy as larry!
Day 21, Sunday and it just whizzes by! I’m feeling good, I was a bit worried I’d be craving after my little alcohol-break-out lastnight but no, all is good! I head to the supermarket to stock up on all my keto-friendly-stuff, I’m a dab-hand at this now, I know exactly where to find brazil nuts, duck breasts, emmental cheese…items I’d never have bought before and I no longer stand for ages looking longingly at the cream buns! I have a “moment” when I see my favourite wine on special offer but I’m blaming lastnight’s break-out for that one! And my super-fan-checkout-girl is working, so I pop by to say hi…and…well…. it went like this….
Monday morning, Day 22…MY GOD..heading into week four!! So, I decided I was getting a little obsessive about the scales and this is where I have failed with weightloss in the past. It can be a vicious circle for me: I work hard, I don’t see immediate results on the scale, I feel deflated, I eat to cheer myself up, I fail! I am determined not to fail so I’ve made the decision to only weigh myself once a week now, on Wednesdays. So, I’m back in the gym with Brian. He always has that look of “this is going to hurt but it’ll be great craic” about him. I literally shoved my kids out of the car this morning and drove off with the doors still open because if you’re late for Brian, you start with 50 squats before the workout even begins!! I dash in the door, and Mythical-man Evan is there, I tell him he broke me up on Friday and he looks delighted with himself!! So 30 mins with Brian and as usual he pushes and encourages and manages to have the craic, even “The Chair” doesn’t crack me today and I am very proud of how far I’ve come!
I have a busy day of meetings today and for the very first time in my entire life I HAVE FORGOTTEN TO EAT! I mean I used to hear other people saying they forgot to eat and I’d think they may need to be committed or something, But here I am, its 2pm and I haven’t eaten yet…maybe my unhealthy relationship with food is finally changing! Maybe it’s not my go-to-thing for every emotion anymore, maybe I can start to rebuild this relationship now with a healthier long-term plan…or maybe I just have keto-brain!! Anyway, being one of those “forgot-to-eat” people makes me feel decidedly less flabby-cheeked and that’s made me happy on a busy Monday afternoon!
Thanks as always, not for joining me but for bringing me on this journey. I hope you believe me when I say, I could not do this without your amazing and unwavering support Dawn xx
So listen, I’ve always been kind of a big girl , but now I’ve hit my 40s and (omg dare I say it) men-o-pause (Jesus I said it! Well its out there now!), I just can’t seem to get away with ANYTHING anymore. Simply smelling curry chips now seems to gain me 2 fecking pounds, crash diets/starving myself into a dress just doesn’t seem to work anymore and my CHEEKS (both face & ass) are now flabby as fuck! Lads, I have no patience, I need to lose 40lbs and I want to do it in 10 weeks. 70 days of pure torture (in the form of a sensible personalised exercise & diet plan, like I said, pure torture) and then a lifetime of sensible maintenance. Listen, I have failed this miserably before, so that’s why this time I’m going to publicly shame my way to success. Im putting all my flabby bits, my sweat & tears my highs & lows out there on display for your entertainment!
Think I can do it in just 10 weeks? Follow me to find out…
#dietstartsmonday #10ten10 #educogymgalway
