The other night I had a dream,
Where everyone were friends
At a hooley given by God himself,
To take his mind off sins
The hooley was in heaven above
The function room was large;
There were two bouncers at the door,
Who took the cover charge.
The cover charge was each man’s soul,
No blood, no sweat, no tears;
A marvellous time still lay in store,
Not restrained by doubts or fears.
St. Peter sat there on a stool,
With Haughey and some cronies;
While the opposition seemed half drunk,
And were talking pure baloney.
The Chieftains played and the Fureys sang,
‘Bout the green green fields of France;
‘Twas then that Mary Robinson
Asked Albert up to dance.
Niall Tonin and Brendan Grace
Had God himself in stitches.
Mary laughed so much, she spilled her tea
And wet St. Patrick’s breeches.
John Major and George Bush were there
Why not? They have no sins.
Boris Yeltsin and Mikhail Gorbachev,
Became the best of friends.
From the Northern part of Ireland,
John Hume cut quite a dash
While, bellowing loudly from the stage,
Ian Paisley sang ‘The Sash’.
The gunmen from each side were there,
All singing the same refrain
And on listening to it closer
‘Twas “A Nation Once Again”
The O’Reilly’s and the Smurfit’s
Were nowhere to be seen
They were probably making millions,
Somewhere near St. Stephen’s Green.
The Lord was mixing freely
With all peoples rich and poor.
They were dishing out the Guinness
From a keg behind the door.
There was lashings of strong poteen
We were having such a ball
When some Saint from the backbenches
Called wee Dan from Donegal.
He came along with Mammy
And sang soft and sweet did he
Then half of us just fell asleep
Or went off for a pee.
A dream’s a dream, a fantasy
A moment of reflection
I saw Brian Lenihan on the ‘phone
On my mature recollection.
The band all played good music
The singers sung their songs
The Lord stood up and gave a speech
And lectured to the throngs.
He said he was so glad we came
And would not detain us long
He hoped that we would call again
Then he sang the Soldiers’ Song.
And as he sang I looked around
As I stood near Packie Bonner
The only one who did not stand was baldy Miss O’Connor.
Then I awoke as dawn it broke
So sad ’twas but a dream
But that hooley up in heaven
Was the best I’ve ever seen.
– Gertie Carroll, Elm Rest, Cregmore, Claregalway.
